AN ALCOHOLICS TALE TOLD BY A SEMI-SOBER FOLK

Photo: © Europen Parliament/P.Naj-Oleari pietro.naj-oleari@europarl.europa.euHehe, ati during post election violence, hadi Santa alitravel na Reindeer zina claws…Alcohol is the most considerate commodity in the market: All alcoholic brands have the same aim, making you tipsy. Both the poor and the rich wanna get drunk at different prices: Oti wa ma’smokie will comfortably get drunk with a Ksh 60 Flying Horse (KEBS certified), a Helb’less campus jamaa will KO with his Ksh 120 Bluemoon (heard dat iko na ARV!!) and that baller will also spend more than a K to get tipsy. Is a person drunk with Bluemoon any different from that drunk with Johnny Walker? This is the difference (according to an economist’s point of view) A Bluemooner will be told “Don’t drink and CRAWL, just stagger home” and the Johnny Walker punk won’t be told, ironically, to walk but “Don’t drink and drive, chukua taxi” And I’ll stress on this expensive drinker: These are the reasons why he’s told not to drink and drive…One- If he drinks and drive, he might hit a pothole and spill the drink. Two- Akitembea atapigwa ngeta. That reminds me of that general rule in bashes “The sober guy is the thief” and my dawg Denno once said, Ka wewe ni msee wa soda tafuta leso na scorns uende ubangaize kwa kivuli Uhuru Park.

My dad once asked, “Kijana, how much do you drink?” “I drink wholly”…”hehe, that’s my boy, it’s good to be holy”. Ask yourself why turning water into wine was the first miracle? And why was wine used symbolically in the last supper? Talk of colloquial endorsement. If Jesus was a Kale, the first miracle coulda been turning water into milk. And if he was a Toureg from The Sahara, it coulda been wine into water. To the extreme, if he was a KU student- he coulda turned wine into a 62% alc vodka. Alcohol has many tales: ati some suicidal twin killed his bro by mistake…This reminds me when Counselors ( back in Hae Xul) would call several schools for a mass advice session. Then after that we would go out with our peer to vibe (look at the word peer closely, I know Kiplimo is reading it as Beer). A chic would tell a peer pressured jamaa “Nakupenda” n he would gladly answer “Nakupenda Peer [pia]” …Now dats a playa (dating both the chic and the ideologies of his peer). Women are really fighting for their rights…they wanna be like men even in the booze fields: these days, the ratio of dudes to chics in keg dens is around 4:2 (no offence to those affected)…Kwani zile enzi za Redds na Black Ice zimekua history. Anyway, if you don’t know; this is the STONE Age (hehehe). Still on gender: Why do men (gentlemen) like suits with ties unlike women? (Don’t think in terms of chumz).This is the reason; men were born with suits with hanging ties (oops) while women’s birthday suits lacked ties. Answered?
by Slither Bee

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