I stared at his framed picture, taped on his casket, staring at the photo as if he could talk back and tell me it’s enough. Everything was a blur. So many things were running through my mind. I felt an intense anger. Frantic anger of a caged animal whose occasional glimpses of freedom only enrage it more. I never imagined how hard it is to face the death of a loved one. Jabali was dead. And these people in front of his lifeless body all knew how carefree he lived his life. Everything looked so stagnant.
Everything felt so tense, so alien and inadequate. I kept on thinking how things would be like if my only brother was alive. Jabali’s life was a puzzle that only himself could well solve. Unarguable rebellious, he lived a fast life and was fierce and unbashed. Going through the normal education system something which our folks were very keen on was never a priority to him preferring the quicker option of making easy money and having a number of girls drooling over him.
It got to a point that he became emotionally void. Family and life did not appeal to him. He could no longer cope up with situations in a calm and rational way. He looked buckled and wasted, tired and worn down going through moments of despair. The drugs he was using left him looking like an intoxicated zombie.
I wish I would have been wise and talked to him before it was too late. It is not difficult to plan out no matter the circumstances. It would have been better if he had been patient enough and got the fancy lifestyle he wanted in a legit way rather than engaging in a life of unplanned sex and drugs that eventually caught up with him.
My spine felt tight and stressed. But I knew I could draw lessons from Jabali’s life. I am not going to loose it all to an unplanned lifestyle and plunge myself into depression or whatever weird euphemism that fits the description.
I am not going to be weak and let my moral failings overshadow my dreams of a stable and regrettable future. My story doesn’t have to be similar to Jabali’s neither does yours. But the bottom line is would you let short-term pleasure stop you from having a fulfilling life?
It’s not difficult to map out your life. Do not be all flashy while still young. Baby steps won’t hurt. Have a plan. Life ni kukachora!