Campus Freshers; Divas, Basic Chicks and Hail Mary


Fresh men season is here and every campus student bursting with excitement. We bet the lecturers are too, sponsors hide in there. What a gold rush it is for mostly the male campus fraternity. This is the time to reshuffle the moist groceries off the fridge for fresh new ones or better yet, change from beef to pork.

So guys, of all the newly-arrived campus ladies, how do you know who is the pork, the turkey and the mere domestic dove?

Pork with Cheese


Let’s start with the pork. My friend Nev says the pork “chielre gi moe” Dutch for “don’t need oil to fry” pork. This is the breed of females that you don’t really have to struggle much with! First, it’s because they come with the full package; thick, gorgeous and social. Theory would have it that gorgeous girls are social anyway. When you katia them, they already know what this is about and aren’t as green. Most are smart and so you don’t have to worry about awkward conversations because she would end up blowing up your mind before you can say “DM that… cooch…But only if it’s good”. 

Fresher Diaries: Expectations Vs Reality

The Turkey

If you know Turkey’s very well then you’ll know they are warm, humble and clueless. You feed it from January till Christmas, and then eat it. Because even when you come with the knife, it still thinks you’re coming to feed it. And goodness gracious that’s the type of this category of campus female freshas.


They are beautifully attractive, and yes she seems like she can get it any day. The only difference with the Turkey and the pork is that whereas the pork can get it at any moment of the day…anywhere because she’s that palatable, the turkey is kind of a goody tissue and doesn’t really have that wild part. And they are super clueless. Discussions range from how she was the Health and Nutrition secretary at her former school. But she won’t know a thing about your wolf in a sheep’s skin until she writes a letter to the suggestion box that she got deflowered at Mamalaka A room 126 against her will. In campus once captured, there is no recapture until the juncture is punctured sister.

The Dove


Doves are the good ones. Too good for the bad boy Fisi culture irrespective of her looks, because most campus students get beautiful with each learning semester. She probably comes from a very humble or God-fearing background or both. She has “values” and traits of a wife, heck she can wash your clothes on Saturday if she slept over on Friday and invite you to a church service in Riara on Sunday. Conversations range from “Jesus is my first love” to “I’ll always be there when you need me” mention. And your bad boy antennae just can’t pick her on the radar because you feel you’ll spoil a good person who probably deserves a man with a different caliber.

Advice to guys; leave her alone, she eventually discovers life on her own.

Any other types of freshers you know of? Tell us below.