Pickpocket credit cardThe unconventional chemistry between younger men and older women has for long stirred up controversies. In some cultures, it’s a status quo. Not in most parts of Africa though where there always seems to be a growing cavalier attitude towards the matter.

Having done plenty of research, the reasons behind this trend is far from the commonly perpetuated stereotypes. Things aren’t always as they seem, in fact, even those who are part of the trend mostly have no idea why they are doing it. The reasons that they think are, usually aren’t.

Contrary to popular belief, the rationale behind this type of relationship is not some twisted sexual fantasy at play. It isn’t about money either. Of course there are those isolated cases which these two reasons are actually the basis of the relationships. But majority aren’t. We must stop sexualizing everything because most times, sex is usually a symptom of an underlying problem. Sex is usually the manifestation of a deeper problem at play and this type of a relationship is not an exception.

The quandary is too many children are being raised up without their fathers/father-figures around. The women suddenly find themselves having to play the impossible role of being both mum and dad. Where the child is a boy, most mothers in the attempt to play ‘daddy’, without realizing, end up overcompensating by being too tough at the expense of her nurturing, soft motherly role and usually this type of mother-son relationship tends to be a very stern and despotic.  As the boy grows into a young man, suddenly he finds himself attracted to older women. He thinks it’s just preference or a phase he’s going through but what he doesn’t realize is that the small boy inside him looking is still looking for the ‘mummy’ who apparently was there but wasn’t ‘really’ there.

It’s actually an instinct that is conditioned during the upbringing of the boy.

The juvenile also had to grow up without witnessing how the man of the house ought to be. The only experience he relates to is the woman being the head of the home and therefore it’s easier for him to have a partner who will not pressure him with the demands of manhood responsibilities but is rather willing to play mummy’s role.

The older woman on the other hand, in most cases has probably been through enough heartbreaks and bitterness, but still desperately desires that manly affection, so she seeks the younger guy who is easier and safer to control and ‘keep’. This works for her because it comes with the benefits of having a man who is still energetic, ecstatic about life and makes her feel young. He keeps her on her toes.

Now of course there’s obviously a lot of morality in question in this kind of relationships. The reason why sex becomes part of this arrangement and the consequences thereof is a story for another day… J