Realtalk: Why We Don’t Say It Anymore…

(Last Updated On: September 1, 2014)

Yet we found strength in our weakness. The evolution process that makes the 21st century woman who she is ,is but history. My focus is on this evolved and more complex creature.
We learnt to protect ourselves; physically, financially and more importantly emotionally.
Every one of these beings (including myself) still have the little dreamy girl within us. The girl that wants someone to love her, hold her, protect her and above want her and her alone. But like every flower we grew thorns because we know all too well that men can be animals. The conniving bastards…
Some of us are in relationships but with frozen hearts waiting to see how candidate number 20-something will perform. Moreover, with each act of love or care a section is thawed out. We get excited and hope he will be THE one! Nevertheless, if he screws up like they mostly love to do… you just add ice to the thawed out section. This way we feel no pain… no heartbreak… in fact I rarely cry when breaking up with someone. Cold I know right?
Why am I telling you all this? I don’t really know yet maybe for future reference I guess. When I chat up with my girlfriends, there’s a fact that becomes an elephant in the room. None of us are willing to say the three words first. So you may be reading this and you’ve been in a relationship but she’s never said those three littu words yet… Don’t panic… here are a few reasons why she’s stalling:
• She’s not ready – She must have gone through a train-wreck of a breakup. So give her time to heal. If you rush her she’ll bolt and you’ll be the rebound that never really was. Be there that’s all that matters.
• She’s afraid- For some reason she doesn’t think you feel the same way. So she’d rather die than tell you how much she loves you. Moreover, if either of you are cheating, you fall in this category.
• She wants you to say it first- Now before you smh me… it’s true! We don’t want to be caught in a situation where we say “I love you…” and we get silence. If this is the case… tell her and see how she reacts. Disclaimer: if anyone lands in hospital because of this; I was only suggesting the choice was yours 
• She’s giving it time- For ladies there’s nothing more painful than to a man hurting you yet you told him how you felt…. You let yourself be vulnerable. I think I fall here. You ain’t dying so I won’t let you know till I’m sure that all my cells are crazy for you as my heart. Haraka haraka haina baraka is the quote to justify this…
• She doesn’t love you- I know it’s painful but that’s the ugly part of truth…it hurts to hear. We can be in a relationship out of pity, circumstance or even desperation. So maybe she’s not saying it because she doesn’t feel it in the first place. At least she cares enough to not lie to you.
I’m no Dr. Hart or Jackson Biko but it is as it is… Love me hate me… I’m out!


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