Relationships: the Crazy Ex

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I wanted to replace crazy with psychotic but that would be abit harsh… true but harsh. Many movies have depicted ladies as the one who gets dumped and loses all her marbles. Yes, it’s true that we can do a few extreme things to get back at our dumpers. However, it seems the tables have turned. Men too can get all emo when we say it’s over.

Now I’m not saying this as a joke or an assumption but as a tested hypothesis: which btw makes it a fact! Below are categories of the various type of crazy out there. So ladies do get out your notebooks and jot down the category that you think your current falls in. It might save your life to know how to break up with him if need arises.

The psychotic…

I know I said earlier that this is a tad too harsh. But really there are some demented guys out there. I’m talking about the guy who will still have photos of you as his profile picture or on instagram. The guy who in his head you never broke up. You’re still his. The guy who will go to the extreme of harming any interested suitors even if it’s been a couple of months. He lives in a bubble. Depending on his idea of his love his extremes may be lethal… so be sure to file a restraining order early enough.

The lecher…

I dub him the mitch! His idea of dealing with hurt is by trying to hurt you the only way he knows how. He will lay down with everyone you are closely related with; be it family, your best friend who kept eye-candying him, or that one that chic you can barely stand to be in the same room with. He’s the most immature of the exes. So do ignore this one, he’ll move along soon enough.

Le stalker…

Now this one is the adorable one of the exes. He will follow you around maybe to your knowledge or at least to try convincethee that he still wants you. It will be okay at first how you keep bumping into each other in this very large city of Nairobi for example but it becomes such a nag. The cuteness is lost and you just want to slap him or disappear. Piece of advice flash your phone if you suspect he is using a tracker app. The last thing you want is to be stuck in the middle of nowhere with a person who is too unreasonable to understand the word over… *shudders* (blame the horror movies or my imagination)

The desperate…

The weakling or dare I say runt of the group. He will do whatever; cry, talk to your friends, talk to your parents. I’ve had to deal with this one. In fact he threatened to commit suicide. I hate when someone challenges my intelligence especially in this manner. He is still alive for those who are already worried. But such ultimatums don’t work with us 21st century ladies…smh!

By Stacey Nduta

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