The Thirstiest Clubs In Nairobi

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(Last Updated On: August 20, 2015)

Team mafisi sacco exists in almost every joint from your local to your nearest town’s lounges. They cannot wait to ‘pita naye.’ These are some of the views of a couple of hot mamaz, here are the thirstiest clubs;

Legend and Platinum clubs – Rongai

The only mafisi you notice are those ancient men who look like they just crawled out of their homestead in Nkoroi or Maasai Land. These other older men get fascinated with girls, especially if you’re from Nai or you seem like a cool kid. They pull those ‘ungekuwa bibi yangu ningefurahi sana’ lines. Whack enough to make you sober.

Platinum Bistro, Rongai.
Platinum Bistro, Rongai.

Mollys – Westlands

This has thirsty men of all ages and backgrounds. They buy ladies drinks and admire all the ladies as they make their way in the club with their friends. After this they get into matatu’s or their cars and go home to their wives and mothers.

Mollys pub, Westlands
Mollys pub, Westlands

Vineyard- Westlands

From the parking lot on Sunday’s, you will experience a lot of cat calls from mommy’s boys riding Mercedes’ or Subarus to full grown men there to stare at the ladies with their mzinga of Jamie. The next time he sees you in the same joint, he assumes that you are friends and he will officially become your stalker. Oh, him and a couple of goons that he calls his friends.

The Vineyard, Westlands.
The Vineyard, Westlands.

Skyluxx – Westlands

This club oh! It gon’ kill me nah! *Nigerian accent* the whispers from these Nigerian mwitu boys never end. Nigerian mwitu because Kenyan girls’ perception of Nigerian men is that they are rich as hell and they like to spoil their women silly.

Skyluxx Lounge, Westlands.
Skyluxx Lounge, Westlands.

Hypnotica- Westlands

 Wale is a group of Indians or a bunch of men trying to look all gangster and playing their cool hoping that you and your girls will smile back. These mafisi could literally be your fathers. You and your girls realize this and you start formulating all kind of lies to get drinks and get out of there.

Club Hypnotica, Westlands
Club Hypnotica, Westlands

Mist Bar & Grill – Town

4 a.m. is like break time in a primary school where children run to the canteen at Club Mist. These guys will prey behind your back with your hanging ponytails of braids! They will stare at you like you just took the first space ship on earth. All they want is to ‘chipo’ you and get over and done with.

Mist Br & Grill, Nairobi Town.
Mist Bar & Grill, Nairobi Town.

Mojos – Town

Working class team mafisis come to hunt on those hot babes who want to sip on some wine after their 8-5. They will ask the waitresses if they can add a bottle or two on your table. He will then personally come up to you and you realize how misplaced his ‘kitambi’ is because he doesn’t really seem that old.

Mojo's Lounge and Bar, Nairobi CBD
Mojo’s Lounge and Bar, Nairobi CBD

K1

From wazungus, to Reggae fanatics, name it. These lose mamis cannot even choose from  the turnt up crowd that fills the ambiance with a lot of grooving enough to even make you not differentiate prostitutes from ‘team mafisi’ girls. At least your thirst will be quenched here.

K1, Parklands
K1, Parklands

Any other club you think has thirsty niggas? Please let us know below.

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