I’m so sorry that our last date left you disappointed and dejected. My mum always told me to be myself and I guess I just wanted you to see the real me, tracksuit and everything. Underneath it all I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her if she wants the extra hot sauce on her chicken.
Let’s see each other again. The strength of your feelings, the raw emotion evident in that newspaper story made me realize that I might have made a mistake. You’re a princess and you deserve to be treated like one, not like a money-grabbing siren preying on a gawky and awkward looking man-child seven years her junior purely because of his vast earning potential.
I’ll make it up to you, I promise. This time, we’re going to the nice McDonalds in the city centre. You can have any burger you want and chips or a drink. Not both. I’m not made of money.
My heart is yours,
I WOVE YOU, WOY
Take me back. Please. Just take me back. I know I said some things in the heat of the moment. Things like, “I am today announcing my retirement from international football.” But I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t mean it.
I also said some other things in the heat of the moment, but you have to understand the context within which those other things were said, that they were not intended as an insult, but only as a repetition of something that a magistrate ruled was highly unlikely to have ever been said. Obviously.
We’re good to together, you and me. Remember how we were in those heady summer days, back in 2012? Remember how I made you sigh with relief every time my no-nonsense defending pulled your arse out of the fire?
Come on Roy, let’s get it on.
I remain, sir, your captain, your leader and your legend, John.
A RICH LITTLE BOY
Dear Mr. Stretford,
I just wanted to say thank you for always being there for me. From my early days at Everton through my nine long years at Manchester United, you’ve always had my best interests at heart. “Once you were a blue,” you told me, “now it’s all about you.”
I can’t believe I didn’t trust you back in 2010 when you said you could get me a double-your-money pay rise, not for being loyal, but for appearing to be disloyal. You were right, of course. You always are. And now look at us! After all this time, we’re ready to do it again!
Lots of love,Wayne.
AT A LUIS END
Roses are red,
My heart is true,
I won’t ever leave Anfield,
Unless it’s for you,
BENDT AND BREAK (MY HEART)
I know that this past year has been hard, but I wanted to remind you that I still love you and that I still believe in you. I always will. I have told you many times that you are the greatest centre-forward of the modern era. It’s only a matter of time before everyone else comes to realize it too! Don’t listen to Arsene. He’s been holding you back for years. Listen to me.
You really impressed me this year, especially when we couldn’t get into the gymnasium that night and you decided to force your will upon the door. Like me, the door simply couldn’t resist you. You make me feel so safe. You will prevail. You will overcome. You are everything you can be.
All my love, always
JOSEPHINE OTIENO: Adapted from Mirror