WALLET ON FIRE

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##It was on Thursday the 16th day of January and the birthday of one of my friends Vivian, a third year student at Maseno town campus. Vivian assisted by her uncle Kevin organized a small party to celebrate her birthday at Kibos, Elgons view in Kisumu.

It is here where she met Basil Onyango, a foreman at a construction company and a 2009 form four graduate. Basil happens to be a very good friend of Kevin, Vivian’s uncle. Friday evening, a day after the party, Basil confessed he liked Vivian. Via text message, he wrote: “I like how you behave and how you answer questions. The rest I will tell you when we meet.”

Vivian and Basil continued to chat for about half an hour. She quickly noticed Basil’s corrupted grammar and a considerable degree of textual ‘Shrubbing.’ She would never stand his Kiswahili and colloquial, sheng too. Suddenly, she hit my inbox to share the fun. She forwarded Basil’s messages and: “ hey friend, I think that guy, Basil is hitting on me. ‘Sema Kushema nayo!’ Damn.. How the hell do you shrub in your first text to a lady and say things like; ‘ I like you how you are created from front to behind!” I mumbled as I went through the texts.

Basil is like a confused, socially malnourished guy to Vivian. She would not even like him for a friend. Basil must have fallen too deep in love for her though. He dug deep in to his pockets the other day to buy bottles of ice-cold soda for Vivian’s friends during the party. He even intended to purchase a whole rate of the same. Not that Vivian missed a thing I planning for her birthday. It was all out of love and perhaps the need to attract Vivian’s attention.

 

Vivian then sought her uncle’s opinion. Via text he replied: “Sweetheart, you are a beautiful lady, full of elegance and class. You are intelligent too. You deserve a handsome, intelligent, and smart a guy. You have one actually. I am sorry to say, Basil is none of that. We went through the same high school and he often scored the least grades. From your texts, it is clear you are not in love with him. You can just forget, ignore, or tell him off. Be polite with him though, he is a friend. Thanks for confiding and consulting with me. All the best!

The case was closed and Basil then had no chance. Vivian was to find away to politely turn him away. Men are naturally cunning.  They will always find a way through. And ladies would not spare, they would take, take, and take.

Vivian happened to have missed a call from Basil. When asked, she said she never had airtime. The reply then was a 200/= worth of Safaricom airtime. Then she happened to have complained the day was too hot. Asked to take a shower she said she had taken but only needed some ice-cream. The response this time was an M-pesa transfer to her phone worth 1000/=. According to a friend, Rosemary Onsarigo, “Kukatiwa c huwa ni tamu..” to her, these were tests and sure God never leaves anyone without a talent. Basil seems to have scored quite highly at this.

Yester evening, the 27th of January, I sought to know if Basil had succeeded in brushing Basil off her but No. She told me that Basil had insisted on seeing her and would not take her excuses. “If you really want this heckler off your shoulder then you can let me handle him.” I told her. Surprisingly she turned down my offer. She said: “I know you may not like what I am going to say. I intend to play along for a while before I can actually let him go. You understand I have some needs and he might come in quite handy.

Please do not condemn Vivian(s) nor judge Basil(s) out there. These two represent the system, the society. We do have those who purchase Ferraris for their lovers but still risk booting. According to the chancellor, Moi University, Miriam Were, life can sometimes be quite challenging to a university lady. Vivian’s change of mind and tolerance of Basil maybe justified. Basil however is innocently in love but his wallet is certainly on fire.

BY Mitiro Dominick